


if he loved me (i'd concede it)

by hartbreaker



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: But mostly fluff, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Secret Relationship, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24551071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hartbreaker/pseuds/hartbreaker
Summary: A month after falling into bed together, Buck and Eddie examine where their relationship is heading.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 199





	if he loved me (i'd concede it)

It is a little after midnight, and Eddie is just about to drift off to sleep, when twin headlights appear in the window. Part of him should be annoyed at being awoken when he was just about asleep, but his heart beats with a sudden surge of anticipation and he can’t help pressing a smile into his pillow. He waits patiently, listening for the sound of the front door opening and closing, followed by soft footfalls treading down the hallway toward his room. The bedroom door creaks open and then shuts with a soft click, followed by the muffled sounds of clothes being dropped on the floor. And then, at last, the bed shifts and a warm body presses itself against Eddie’s back, strong arms curling around to embrace him. Buck smells like cologne and sweat and a little bit like sulfur, likely from a call. He hums contentedly and leans his head against Eddie’s shoulder.

“How was work?” Eddie asks softly.

“The usual amount of crazy,” Buck replies. “How’s Christopher?” Eddie had stayed home after Christopher had woken up with a fever and been unable to find anybody else to watch him.

“Better. His fever broke this afternoon. Hopefully it was just a 24 hour thing. I’m gonna keep him out of school again tomorrow just to be safe, though.” He hated seeing his son in any type of pain; it all brought back too painful memories of the first few fraught weeks of the boy’s life, Eddie huddled in front of an incubator in the NICU praying to a god he wasn’t sure he believed in.

“So’s that mean you’re gonna be out again tomorrow?” Buck asks.

“Nah, Carla will be back tomorrow,” Eddie replies.

He can feel Buck nod slightly against him. “Good. Hate to go another day without my partner there to have my back.”

Eddie suppresses a groan. “Ugh.”

“What?”

He rolls his eyes. _“Partner._ It sounds like we’re cowboys or something.”

Buck laughs. “Alright, then. Can’t wait to have my _lover_ back tomorrow,” he teases, biting Eddie’s ear playfully.

Eddie nudges him away with his free arm. “Okay, that’s even worse, go back to partner.”

“Whatever you say, partner,” Buck jokes in what he probably thinks is a good cowboy accent.

A comfortable silence settles over them, and Eddie is just about to twist around to see if Buck has fallen asleep when - 

“You know, we haven’t really talked about what to call this.” It’s not a question, but Eddie can hear the hesitance in Buck’s voice nonetheless. It takes him by surprise and he has to pause to consider his answer. What _was_ this, exactly? He and Buck had been … _seeing each other_ for a little over a month, when a night of drinking and video games had led to more than either of them had ever anticipated. Up until that point he had very deliberately _not_ put a name to what they had between them. He knew calling it a friends with benefits situation was a lie; their relationship was already much too domestic for that. Buck had practically moved in after the first night; the fact that he came here after his shift instead of his apartment spoke volumes in a way Eddie could never verbalize out loud. To anyone else, it was blatantly obvious what this was, and yet …

Finally, he speaks. “Do we have to?”

Buck pulls away, and Eddie immediately knows he picked wrong. “I mean … the past couple of weeks have been great -- like mindblowingly good --but ... is this going anywhere?”  
Eddie remains curled on his side, not knowing how to respond. For the past month, they had existed in this perfect bubble, cut off from the complexities of the real world. It was nice. Safe. To put a label to it would be to make it real, introduce it to all the things that could tarnish it. Maybe if he feigns sleep the conversation will end and everything will go back to the way it was just a few moments ago. But he knows it’s not that simple; Pandora’s box had been opened and there was no going back.

“Eddie.” Buck’s voice is soft, yet firm. “Look at me.”

Eddie finally turns around. Buck’s face is deadly serious, and Eddie can see how much this means to him. Maybe he’d always known. Despite the person everyone told him Buck had been before they met, Eddie had never been able to see it. Buck cared too deeply and intensely, his heart yearning for an outlet for all the boundless love it contained, to ever be satisfied with a no strings attached relationship for long.

“Look,” Buck starts, “I know you’re scared about telling Christopher cuz you’re worried how he’ll react, but I love that kid like he was my own. We wouldn’t be here talking about this if I thought this wasn’t going anywhere, or if I was scared off by you having a kid.” He reaches out and grasps Eddie’s hand with his own. “I want to be with you and everything that comes with it.”

Eddie stays silent and stares down at their intertwined hands, taking a moment to collect his thoughts, trying to decide how to say what he wanted to say -- if he even wanted to say it at all. Buck’s words made his heart swell. His overwhelming love and concern for Christopher was one of the many reasons Eddie adored him. Maybe with anyone else his having a kid would be an issue, but Buck wasn’t just anyone else. And he deserved an answer. “It’s not about Christopher.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not about Christopher. I mean, the kid loves you, and you’re here all the time anyway, I doubt he’d have any objections if we told him about us. He’d probably be thrilled.” He pauses before continuing. “It’s … it’s about Shannon. You’re the first person I’ve been with since she passed. Hell, you’re the first person I’ve been with since I got _married._ I’m not sure if I know how to have a normal relationship, especially after I fucked things up with her.” And the other part, the part he doesn’t dare say, not yet. That the way he cared for Buck overwhelmed him, scared him even, to the point he was petrified of losing him.

Buck snorts. “And you think I do?! The last girl I dated dumped me after I almost _died,_ and the one before that ditched me for Europe. And let’s not even get into who I was when I first joined the 118. I’m not exactly the role model for healthy relationships, either. Doesn’t mean we’re screwed, though. Just means we’ll have to work a little harder. And I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to put in the effort.”

Eddie’s heart aches. He wants to give Buck everything he wants and more, but ...

“If we do this for real … there’s only two ways this ends. And I don’t want to lose you and screw up everything I’ve built here in LA.”

Buck squeezes his hand. “If we based all our decisions on the worst case scenario, we’d never do anything. Our whole _job_ is dealing with worst case scenarios. Yeah, this could end badly, but …” He pauses and sighs, as if bracing himself for something. “These past couple weeks have been some of the happiest in my life. I don't want that to end. Even if something does go wrong, I’d still want to have those memories. Wouldn’t you?”

Eddie smiles and reaches out to cradle Buck’s face in his hand, tracing the other man’s birthmark with his thumb, something he had longed to do for far too long but refrained from, fearing the intimacy such a gesture implied. “Yeah, I would.”

Buck smiles back, beaming so wide it was looking at the sun, and not for the first time Eddie can't help but think, _God you’re gorgeous._ Eddie pulls Buck towards him and their lips meet in the middle. Just like the first time, his whole body thrums with a bolt of adrenaline. He hadn’t realized something as simple as kissing could make him so damn happy, and the thought that he’ll be able to continue doing this thrills him to no end. When they finally pull apart, he says, “So … I guess that means we’re … dating?"

“I guess so. So when are we gonna tell the team?” Buck jokes before quickly adding, “Kidding!”

Eddie hums and considers. “How about tomorrow?”

Buck’s head whips toward him so fast Eddie is afraid it’d cause whiplash. “Wait, really?”

Eddie pauses, considering. Five minutes ago he’d been reluctant to even consider talking about their relationship, and now he was ready to reveal it to the team? But Buck was right. It was pointless to push away something that made him so happy out of fear of the unknown. And the team wasn’t just regular coworkers, they were some of the most important people in his life. Besides, better to rip off the band-aid now and get the annoying questions out of the way rather than let them draw their own conclusions. 

“Yeah. They’re our family, and since we’re dating now, they deserve to know.” And he meant it. He didn’t know what the future held, and the thought of messing things up with Buck still terrified him. But they were stronger together, and they would face whatever obstacles came their way.

Buck flashes him another dazzling smile in response, then pulls him in for another kiss, before pulling away abruptly, his entire face lit up with impish glee. “Chimney’s gonna _flip.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my first 9-1-1 fic! Come say hi on [tumblr!](https://roguespeedster.tumblr.com/)


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